Getting to Gnow Everyone

It's been a very confusing few days for me, and I don't think life is going to calm down anytime soon. "Deep breath," I keep telling myself, "deep breath."

When I was a young gnome, my mother said that when I grew up I'd live in a garden somewhere, and I've always prepared for that fate as I sat among the other gnomes in the store.

But it appears that I'm headed for a different fate. Last week, a man bought me and took me home. Rather than putting me in the garden, he dressed me up in funny clothes. Then, he wrapped me up in plastic, stuffed me in a bag, stuffed that bag in another bag, and handed that bag off to an official-looking stranger with a stern manner. The bag containing the bag that contained me was thrown into a dark, cold place full of strange smells. The air seemed thin. I struggled to breathe.

We seemed to be traveling for quite some time, although it was difficult to gauge the passing of time. At last we came to a standstill, and the shrill sound faded to nothing. I heard movement, voices. The bag containing the bag containing me was lifted and tossed.

I landed on a stable surface, but it seemed to be gliding along. There was another stop, and another lift and toss, and another moving surface.

I was lifted and carried, and then I was taken for another car ride (I recognized the motion).

We stopped in a mild place where the air smelled salty and damp. The bag was carried somewhere. I heard the zipper being unzipped. Then I was removed from the plastic bag, and unwrapped. I was in a room full of strangers. They passed me around and looked at me, one by one. They laughed, but not unkindly; I sensed that they were laughing with me rather than at me.

I have a feeling I am not headed for the garden. I have a feeling that my mother hasn't adequately prepared me for what's coming next.